When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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