So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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