...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize