Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
