Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
