don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
