census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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