Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
