Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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