I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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