I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
