A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
