He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
