So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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