Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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