so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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