fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
