just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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