I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Holy shit dude........stairs
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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