MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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