$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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