this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
