what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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