M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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