hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
