Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.