LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
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So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.