Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
