The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
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lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch