What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem