another moral hangover. fuck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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