Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
