get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
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I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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