And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
