My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize