So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
