its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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