One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
