fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
