All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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