I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
