So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
