jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
