considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
