when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
