i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
