The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
