You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
