your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
