White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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