The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
