what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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