do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
