Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
