If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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