You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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