so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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