I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Four minutes until I can fart!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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