To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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