I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
