Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
