sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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