meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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