Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
