So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
