He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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