his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
