We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
