I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
