We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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