Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
