Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
