You smell like stripper and shame
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
