you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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